Why?
by Meanderfall
Summary: Why? Why? The question resounded in my head painfully. Why couldn't she trust me? Why did she not confide? Why did she commit suicide? One-shot. May be OOC, since I've never played the game.


**A/N: Certain events in my life has led me to write this. I only ask that you place yourself in Candace's shoes, understand her pain and feel her suffering. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon.**

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><p>Why?<p>

I sat in the hard plastic chairs of the waiting room, head hung in worry and my fists clenching my blue skirt. I could not, would not understand what was happening. Numb, I could only replay the morning events, like some sort of twisted movie, stuck on replay.

_I knocked on her door. "L-Luna?" I called, shyly. When there was no response, I opened the door a crack, peeking. I saw her silhouette on the bed, blankets hiding her from view. I opened the door wider and stepped in hesitantly. I walked closer to her on tiptoe, despite that that was against my intention. Her pink hair was splayed on the pillow, obstructing her face slightly. I got close enough to see her face perfectly. She seemed so peaceful and innocent in her sleep. It reminded me of when we were children and I was the one that took care of her. I felt a gentle and nostalgic smile blossom on my face. I took another step closer and reached out to shake her shoulder. I whispered, "Luna, it's time to-"the last part died in my throat and a strangled noise came out instead. Touching her shoulder, I noticed it was icy cold. Comprehension slammed home when I realized she wasn't breathing. Panicking, I called out to Grandma, begging for help. She rushed upstairs, worried. Tears were streaming down my face, and nothing that came out of my mouth made sense. When she finally understood what was going on, she ran to the nearest phone and called for help. A couple minutes later, a couple minutes too many, help came. I watched helplessly as Kasey and Luke brought Luna downstairs and followed them as they took her to the hospital. I realized then that she might never wake up from her peaceful sleep again, forever cuddled in Death's cold embrace._

I was roused from my thoughts when Jin came in to the room, face solemn. I stood up, knees trembling, expectant. He slowly and sadly shook his head. I stared at him, shocked. I could barely string two thoughts together. My sister, Luna, the fighter, my protector, and my dearest friend was gone? I couldn't believe it. He spoke again. I watched his lips form the words but I didn't understand them. He slowly and sadly left the room and entered his study. I was barely aware as everyone filed out, crying. It felt like my world was crumbling to pieces. I sat back down, eyes opened wide, staring at nothing. This time my head hung in shame. So many emotions whirled inside me; I could barely make sense of it all. I continued to stare at nothing, meditating somewhat, trying to clear my head. When Jin came back, I knew it was time to leave. I walked out into the pouring rain. That was good. It felt like the heavens were crying for her and for us. Right now, nothing should have given the impression of happiness. I felt tears build up, but they would not spill over. Was I too heartless to even cry over my sister's suicide? I pushed that thought far away. I knew that that couldn't be true. I walked to the Tailor's, eyes on the muddy ground. Over time, I started to take notice of each thought and emotion swirling in my head.

I was sad. I was angry. Yes. Angry at both of us. Angry at her for leaving me. Angry at myself for not doing anything. Along with anger came guilt and betrayal. She left, without saying anything, without confiding to me. Did she not care about me? Worry about me? Love me? Felt the need to come to her big sister for comfort or protection? If that were so, then guilt would engulf me. I failed as a sister. I didn't notice anything, didn't see her pain. I was too caught up in my problems to notice hers. I was the worst.

The tears finally spilt. My knees buckled as sobs racked my body. I gripped my skirt. I was wailing. That soon turned to keening. _Luna__…__Luna__… __Luna!_ I repeated her name over and over in my head. Memories threatened to submerge me. I remembered her as a child, smiling warmly, pouting when she couldn't go outside without a jacket. Later years, her flaming blue eyes burning whomever so much as pointed to me. She had held herself in front me, poised, head held high like a queen. I remembered when she used to comfort me as I cried on her shoulder, cooing reassuring words softly, reminding me I was never alone.

But what about her? Did she suffer alone, not wanting to impose on me? Or did she want me notice on my own like she did when I was troubled, like the good sister I was supposed to be?

Why? Why? The question resounded in my head painfully. Why couldn't she trust me? Why did she not confide? Why did she commit suicide? Why? Why didn't I notice? I was horrible, _horrible_! I clawed at my chest, wanting to wrench my heart out. There wasn't anything left to live for. I had no true friends, no reason for existing. Nor did I deserve to live. I was the worst being in the world. If even my sister thought so, then what point was there to continue living? To ruin more lives? To watch my neighbours die, not even being able to stop it? To notice it? I was so hopeless, pathetic, and useless. Just plain _useless_!

I gripped my chest tighter. My fingernails only managed to draw a few drops of blood. I was so useless I couldn't even kill myself! Slowly, the keening subsided, to just sobs. Soon they were spaced up enough for me to cry out her name. I hunched over myself, almost curling into a ball. I wanted to lie here and wait for death to take me as Luna did. I could feel cold's death grip on my limbs. I didn't care. I hoped that that would speed up the process. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was being irrational. But that voice was so small and feeble it didn't even make a slight difference. The pain dominated and submerged it. My heart felt so empty. I knew that I deserved this. I deserved every single second of pain I got. Maybe it would atone for my sins. Maybe Luna will forgive me. A laughed at that thought. The laugh was hysterical and painful even to my ears. Luna? Forgive me for what I did? It was so impossible it made me laugh harder. It ended quickly though. The pain, the desperation, the loneliness was too much to keep laughing long.

Time passed. Still, I knelt there, crying every single tear in my body. When they were gone, I was left gasping, chest heaving. My throat was raw, but I didn't care. Nothing could outweigh the pain and loss in my heart. Still, time passed. I was soaked to the bone, but nothing in the world would make me budge from my spot.

I thought the words too soon. I could hear the squelching sounds of footsteps behind me, but I did not turn. They shook my shoulder, trying to rouse me. I cried harder, remembering the same gesture I used on Luna this morning. When I did nothing, he lifted me up. My unwanted saviour carried me, bridal-style, to Sonata Tailor's. I rebelled against the warm air on my skin. I didn't deserve this warmth. I lived in the cold now. Warmness would never be part of my life again.

Ignoring my wishes, he carried me up the stairs, and laid me on my bed. He pulled the blankets over me and left the room, closing the door behind him. I felt the cold slowly leave me. I would live. While Luna was dead. Silent tears ran down my cheeks, following the tracks of so many others. I didn't want this. But I could feel sleep pull at my consciousness. Exhausted, I drifted off to sleep, Luna haunting my dreams.

I woke up slowly. For a fraction of a second, every thing felt right like before. Then the memories of yesterday came crashing back and I started sobbing again. I got up and headed for my window. If I jumped from here, I would probably die. It would be perfect. I gazed at the ground blankly. I heard my door open and I turned around to see my grandma enter my room, carrying a tray that held my breakfast. I noticed the silent tears that fell from her cheeks. Abashed, I realized for the first time that Shelly was going through a rough time too. I was so selfish. I really could only think of myself.

I walked to her, arms opened wide. She put down the tray and accepted my embrace. If I had no hopes or dreams to live for, I could at least live for grandma's sake. She would be completely devasted if I killed myself as well. I hated myself for what I did. The tears I cried while hugging her were a testimony to the self-loathing I felt. That filled the void in my heart. I knew that I could never be freed of this pain, but I could at least wait until my grandmother died before doing anything. She needed me. She was foolish for thinking so, but until thought otherwise I wouldn't leave. I hope that Luna won't begrudge me this. Maybe, she will be pleased that I stayed with grandmother before joining her. Maybe.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the abrupt ending. If I continued it would've surpassed a one-shot, and become a full-fledged story that would, considering my twisty and cliched mind, become a romance. If, for some reason, you actually want a complete romance story, let me know. Thank you for reading.<strong>

**P.S. Between Candace and Luna, I would always pick Luna as the one most likely to commit suicide. I've never played the game, so I can't judge precisely, but she seems to me the type who acts tough for others, but one well placed word or one horrible incident would send her over the edge. Candace is already used to a horrible life, so nothing would actually make her kill herself. Wouldn't you agree?**

**P.S.S. Would it be lame if I said I had tears welling in my eyes while typing this?**


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